Nothing lasts forever,

Even cold November Rain

~ Guns and Roses

Pain is temporary.

It may last a minute,

or an hour,

or a day,

or a year,

but eventually it will subside

and something else will take its place.

If i quit however,

it lasts forever

~ Lance Armstrong

This is the last week of last summer break of my undergraduate life. I had an amazing summer, i traveled, i have gotten to know myself better, i have read books i never thought i would read, honed my stand up routine, gone for courses and had my mind opened to new and exciting ideas.

but,

I failed to achieve a few goals this summer, I failed to clear my IPPT, i failed to keep to my reading plan, i failed to register my company, failed to test my food product, failed to obtain a master copy of my smoking tee shirt... and i got thrown off track reading a book. There are many excuses i could have given myself, but i refuse to accept the excuses that i am thinking of right now. i will trade in those excuses for results. We never really fail, we only give up.

In a week's time i will embark upon my final year. A rather empty final year module wise, but packed academically speaking. I reckon 1st August to be a good date to make this resolution. In the next three months, i will attend to my formal commitments and i will clock in all which i failed to achieve these last three months. I want this entry to seared into my memory, how i did not achieve all that set out for and to remind myself why i should not give up.

This final year is crucial on many levels, but in essence it is a year to prepare, a final gap in my life to out into order the pieces of of my life before i assume the responsibilities i have been putting off for the last 6 years. Responsibilities as a son, a brother and an adult. i have much to prepare for.

Last evening, i brought my grandfather to the hospital again, this time he was warded for infection. As i stool there, look at the sleepy sleepy eyes of this ill old man. I felt the weight of the world bearing upon me, the weight of the years and days to come. Thoughts about the fragility of life, the passing of time, the hopes of the heart all were all flicked aside by the Pentecost of pain. All the great struggles of our small and short lives, regardless of magnitude or frequency are simple confrontations with our immediate pain.

I remembered the bird's eye view of Singapore, and thought about how a whole society is propelled forward by individuals overcoming their own small measure of pain.

I have spent years harnessing my mental facilities, forging a character of both caliber and clarity, control and inner strength. I am far from who i once was, but not yet where i need to be. More can be done.

Alone i stand against the onslaught, and alone i will stem the tide, for those i love, and all that i hold dear on this good earth... i will never yield.