Weekday mornings are distinct from those during the weekends in many ways, one of the distinction is the working crowd. The mass of faceless zombies trickling from HDB flats to the entrances of MRT stations like so many ants to a piece of candy on the cement floor, dressed in impractical attire like heels for climbing stairs and long sleeve shirts in a temperate climate, finishing off the look with a set of in-bud ear phones, a small and feeble attempt to create a private space within the mad squeeze that is the public transport system.
This morning, on my way downstairs enroute to breakfast with my family I took the same lift with a couple. They are a middle aged Singaporean Chinese couple, the wife would be dressed in “office wear”, and her husband would be dressed casually in polo tee and brown kakis. Of last 4 encounters I have had with them, we did not exchange a single word, more interestingly neither did they exchange a single word with each other. From the door of their flat all the way to their car which was quite a distance away, they were silent and unsmiling. Was I stalking them, nope, I was walking behind them all the way during those encounters because their car way along the path I would normally take.
The husband had a look on his face I can only interpret as a man who is unwillingly executing his duty, and his wife had a look which looked to me like someone who felt that she could have done better but settled for something much below what she could have achieved. Even after they drove off in their Hyundai, I kept trying to imagine what the other spheres of their life together are like. They must surely have a terrible sex life. It’s a crying shame I feel, for a relationship between two people, especially a marriage during this time and age to deteriorate into passive duty towards each other and their children. A sense of duty must be present of course, but it should not be the only thing keeping their relationship intact. When queried why a couple is still married, the answer should not be that it is too much hassle to get a divorce.
Are they so stretched by the vicissitudes of life that they lost interest in each other? Or are they so utterly bored of each other and know each other so well that they can function optimally without talking to each other. No more, “Good morning/night”, “Thank you’s/ your welcome”, “see you later” or “I love you”, a relationship void of words is often a relationship void of affections. Acts of service can only go so far. This couple, in my opinion is wasting their opportunities with each other. There are many who would have to go to great lengths just to hear each other’s voice, or feel their touch. But this couple allowed the mundane to rust away their affections, silence to wedge them apart. They might sleep in the same bed, but their hearts are literally worlds apart.
Sleeping together in the same room provides a unique opportunity in our conservative Asian society. We get to start and end our day beside each other, so even regardless of how busy each of our lives are we still have those first and last waking moments together, quiet bubbles of time together. How we choose to use those moments is of course a completely different issue. I would like to believe that when one wakes up beside one’s spouse, he is reminded of his promise and the reason for facing the challenges and difficulties ahead and when he goes to bed after work and he sees her smile, he knows that it was all worth it (vice versa my feminist readers).
We all need a reason, we all seek meaning is our lives. So when you have found yours don’t take it for granted. Silence erodes relationships as much as words of affection and gratitude nourish them.
That couple is not a unhappy couple for sure, but they are not exactly happy together from the looks of it, and that is a terrible way to describe a marriage.
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