Mini-series: Girl Guides, Introduction and Points of Departures.

Context should be our lens, not what we perceive.

I have decided to write a mini-series of blog entries centred on an issue many girls have found to be terribly difficult to ascertain. How do we understand the guy whom she is interested in as a life partner? I have toyed with these ideas for a long time and I have decided that in order to properly give a concrete structure to my opinion, a blog mini-series is the best way. Please note, that this is merely my opinion; it is not fact by any stretch of the imagination. Remember always that I need not have wrote this, I could have kept all this to myself, in my own world, told only to a handful of friends who bother to listen but cannot remember what I said when they wake up the next day. But I decided that it have better currency here, the voice to the void.

We must start with introspection. Which essentially means that we need to look inwards and at the ground we are standing on, how old are you, what kind of partner are you looking for, how serious are you when you are interacting with him and how seriously do you take yourself? How do we know? Here’s some “tips for thought”.

Life is not divided by age categories but by phases of existences. It doesn’t matter if we are 15 or if we are 25. What matters is which phase of our life course we are currently undergoing. If you are working or studying, the issues you face and the pleasures you draw from life are rather specific to your phase. The dimension which exist behind our eyeballs are personal and specific, hence in order to better communicate this inner world to someone else, he should also be in the same phase. This will help greatly in the exchange of ideas as well as ascertaining compatibility of ideas.

Birds of the feather flock together, opposite attracts. These two separate axioms are inherently contradictory; however you have used them both or at least thought that way during difference instances of your life. Are you a hypocrite? No. You are merely engaged in a fallacy. You are missing out on the element of context. For example, I love to talk. Depending on the context, I should seek out someone who equally loves to talk so I can debate with her till we grow old and die from it or should I seek out someone who listens and never contribute anything meaningful to my intellect? It’s the issue of context. Be clear that preference has no polarity, there is no right or wrong when it comes to preference, white is no better than black. Know that our decisions are almost always influenced if not determined by context. Be context aware, generous guy might be hiding a heart always eager to please or a lack of control when interacting with girls. Generous is no more better than stingy, selfless no better than poor judgement.

Hence when laying the foundations of a potentially long term relationship, it is ideal that this process be done in the same bubble metaphorically speaking. This allows for ideals, beliefs, hopes and dreams to be exchanged with similar currency. That is to say that we are comparing apples with apples.

The other point is that we should know what we want and embed our preferences within context. I personally feel that a guy must and should have an unwavering dedication to his family, you should never hold it against when a guy blows you off for a family related event or commitment. This exemplifies the priorities in his life. After all you hope to one day become a part of his family right? Wouldn’t you want to be his priority as well? Ever girl wants to be the main character in her man’s life but know that she should never start out as the lead actress. If you find that the guy promotes you too easily, he might be the director of a B grade film, that is to say… he can’t find other actresses to star in his life.

The last point of this entry can best be exemplified by a story. The boutique owner of “This Fashion” fired all her sales staff for being lazy and unmotivated. She than hired a HR manager to help her source for better employees. The manager during their first meeting asked how much she was willing to pay for a full time sales staff. She said $1500 a month. The manger than asked her to write down on a piece of paper all the qualities and traits she would want her ideal sales person to embody. The owner easily wrote down a list including traits like friendly, hardworking, outgoing, self-motivated, pleasant looking, etc etc. The manager took the list, read it and asked the owner the crucial question; “Why would this person work for you?”

How many of us are making the same mistake as the owner? We ask for the world but offer only a pile of rocks? Many girls faced the “interesting” problem of having the guy they like essentially ignoring them and attracting those whom they are not the least bit interested in or worst those whom they find hopelessly weird. The reason is simple, it’s her disposition. That is to say that it’s how she is behaving. What is giving those guys lower in the chain the idea that they stand a chance? Or simply she does not seem interesting enough to the type of guys she is interested in for him to make a move.

She cannot interest a man of calibre by “only” being cute or nice, he already knows hundreds of girls like that. She cannot interest a good looking guy (invested in appearance) by “only” being smart.

One sentence summary: Know what you want and become the person he would want to be with.

Next Entry: Money and Love, quality and quantity