Grandpa....

*I found this entry, i wrote it before my grandfather passed away

I felt that I should write something about my grandfather. I never felt that he was a good man, all though his life he was a selfish man, childish and foolish. He single handedly destroyed the lives of his children and in turn crippled my generation. He was a gambler, a cheat, a liar and an abusive husband. He was everything I stood against, he at once manifested all the qualities I despised in men, but he was blessed beyond comprehension. During his last years, his children serve and care for him faithfully. My mother became his full time care giver, my father co care giver, my extended family finance in lieu of physical presence and care and even the grandchildren participate in his care. Do we really reap what we sow? Sometimes, it doesn’t seem that way.
As he entered his twilight years, nature took away his mental faculties. He lost the ability to create new memories. My late grandmother was bedridden just as he started showing signs of Alzheimer’s. He started to show unmatched concern for her well being, it was as if all he could think about was her. The wife he has treated so badly all throughout his marriage was now the focus of his life. My family used to say that it was of some kind of twisted karma, some kind of trick of God played on his mind. Even after the passing of my late grandmother he kept asking where she was, and if her absence was the result of her seeing another man outside.
When we have our higher faculties stripped away from us, all we have left are our raw emotions and desires. Our insecurities surfaces shamelessly, we display the drives that motivates our thoughts and actions. Cast away are the social in line dancing steps we are forced to be concerned about, force to keep in line.
My grandfather has a memory limit of less then 2 minutes, every moment is a new moment for him, new, virgin and disconnected from prior moments. He lives life without concern for consequence, he no longer acts be reacts. He has become a shadow of the person he was, and even less than the man he once was. He is no longer the father of my father, but a shell of a man.
Sometimes I wonder, if I really get to live life without consequence, what would I do? What would I say to those around me? Who would I love? Would I still keep to the principles I hold so close to my heart if there wasn’t any consequences for breaking them?
Then I remembered, a line; I would rather lose everything but my principles, than have everything without them. I pray that if I ever lose my higher mental faculties, I will do so with dignity and honor.

Self Speak

The spoken word is our most powerful weapon. The words we speak are like magic spells or chants, and just like spells or chants it must be completed to achieve manifestation. The catch is that we do not know when the spell or chants ends, and the only indication are the manifestation. If a person keeps saying to others that he is tired, guess what kind of spell is he invoking? It is no surprise when you next speak to him he actually looks and feel tired. In fact his lethargy might even spread to you.
Our self-speak are spells we cast upon ourselves, what we tell ourselves frames how we see the world and shifts our focus. If we keep telling ourselves that the world out there is full of dangers and that it is better to stay in our comfort zone… oh comfort zone, that’s another entry all together, then we will let every opportunity to stretch ourselves bypass us.
When you tell your child or your sister or brother that they are stupid or slow, over time guess what, they will come to believe that they are slow and stupid. But just as this is a force for destruction it is also a force for good and change. If we speak positivity to others around us, we will empower their spirits give them hope and a reason to dream.
I believe strongly in this, and it is my greatest weapon. Self-Speak helps generate belief, and we must always believe in ourselves. No one would believe in us unless we first believe in ourselves. Who do you believe in?

Post Christmas Thoughts

It is my experience that the eve of Christmas or New Year is always more happening or exciting or worth looking forward to then the actual day itself. Why? I am inclined to think that it is the anticipation that excites us humans. The thought of an arbitrary day, infused with so much social meaning to the point that it will spill over into madness. The frenzied shopping, the mad rush, the packed schedules of friends and family members all contribute to the “anticipation”.
Everything dies down after the countdown is over. When the party poppers have been popped, and the champagne devoured people retreat home where the slide back to reality ensues. The actual day is always far less exciting as compared to the countdown day. It was just like that for me, packed to the brim, sleeping 4 hours ever day and suddenly on Christmas, it was Church in the morning and a Christmas lunch party at a good friend’s house.
What inspired was what happened in the evening. A friend smsed me a merry Christmas message and ended with a suggestion to meet up after Christmas. Seeing how Christmas evening was the only evening I got I decided to fast forward the catch up to that evening itself, and that’s what happened.
My friend was feeling so many mixed feelings during this festive season. We talked and I pry and pried trying my best to help my friend come to terms. After we finished our drinks, I felt terribly helpless. Why? Because I felt I didn’t make a drop of difference at all. Why, because I am only one person.
It is my experience that people are social creatures, and hence much of our self worth and value comes from external validation. It was like that for me at one point, but I have evolved from that very narrow thinking, now I self generate energy to sustain my sense of self. But others have not yet reached that level, and I feel for them.
As social creatures, sometimes we place too much weight on the opinion of others and we forget that the most efficient way to change the opinion of others is to change ourselves from within first. Human lives are built using social relationships as beams and bricks. Some beams and bricks form core pillars that sustain our sanity, mutual Love and Respect serves as the mortar that binds our inner life. But we are not made of such inanimate objects, relationships are like cells, they are our building blocks, they are alive, they grow and they die. My friend could not understand this simple concept, her pain on Christmas day was more than what anyone should bear on such a festive season.
One day, I will be strong enough to protect and lift all those who are important to me. One day

Outsourcing Laziness

Today I would like to share one of my guiding principles when it comes to helping people. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and over the years I have come to the personal conclusion that humans are social creatures and their potential can only be maximized when they assist or “help” each other. No one will stop you if you want to get an iphone 4S without data plan, but to maximize its potential, a data plan would be a good idea. No one said that humans cant live alone, but having healthy relationships with others would be a good idea.

We have helped many people throughout our lives, sometimes we end up with a warm fuzzy feeling inside, other times we often feel underappreciated or worst feel cheated for lending assistance. Sometimes we help others only when they ask for assistance, other times we take the “initiative” to help others even without them asking for it. Silently thinking in our hearts that aiding without being ask is somehow a more premium type of assistance compare to if one is asked to aid. I will not address specifics, contextual, circumstantial or hypothetical situations, instead I will introduce a concept to assist the decision make process.

“Outsourcing Laziness” occurs when someone summons for assistance because he or she lacks the *discipline to execute the task according to acceptable standards or even going through the motion itself. Note here that the individual is both able and possess the time to bear the task him/herself but instead decides to off load the task(s) to another individual or group. Here the person is considered as “lazy”, this “lazy” individual would than via discourse, rhetoric, deception or any other means outsource the task at hand to another person or group to commence or complete.
As a principle, social human beings in my opinion should always and without fails aid and assist those who are unable to aid themselves, as long as one is able to aid, one should aid. Note here also that ability or able-ness is not narrowly defined as physical ability but also takes into consideration time. If one is physically or intellectually able but pressed for time, he or she is considered unable as well.

Let us consider a scenario, I am a person who always aids others unconditionally and I consistently assist two individuals, one who outsources laziness (Thomas) and other who is unable to aid himself (Jason). Over time, Thomas would take me for granted because he knows that even without me he still can execute the tasks, and in all likelihood continue to enjoy my services and become even more lazy himself. But James, who is clearly aware that he is unable to assist himself, would value and appreciate me. At every opportunity, James would try to find a way to take on the task himself so that he can be independent. Should that happen, he would be able to free me and I would be glad that I helped me and both parties would walk away feeling positive. Even if he is unable to replace me and I end up aiding forever, he would likewise forever be appreciative and goodwill will be generated.

But for Thomas, the vicious cycle can only be broken by me, the aider and not the aided because at the core of the issue, the intention is destructive. I am being exploited by Thomas, and over time I will feel underappreciated and sore, soon I will break the cycle on bitter terms and Thomas would have to find another to outsource his laziness to.
My examples are mono tasked, overly simplistic makes heroic assumptions about the nature of humans. But operationally I find it useful, aid those who cannot aid themselves, reject the call for assistance of those who summon you because they were too lazy to do it himself. Goodwill cannot be found in aiding those who seek to exploit the good nature of people, whereas it can be found in abundance when aiding the unable.

Time is our most precious resource, why? Because it is a non-renewable resource, it is limited and each of us does not know how much of it we have. Be selective about who and how we are spending this resource on. The synergy of “who” and “how” creates a tinted lens over our mind’s eye, affecting how we see other human beings. Spend time helping the unable and you will find that your life is full of appreciative people, spend time with people who exploit you by outsourcing their laziness to you and you will find yourself surrounded by crafty foxes.

So… what are you doing with who later?

*Here discipline is conceptualized as the quality possessed by a person to execute actions considered undesirable by the person.

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